The Return of God and Gabriel
The Comic

02-06-05 by Sam

Some may call this comic a cheap shot.  I call it a bargain.  You laughed at it.  And you did it for free.

Sometimes I spend a great deal of time labouring over what James so unconvincingly calls an “editorial”.  Most of the time, though, I crack them off like a three-dollar hand job in a dirty motel.  One of those places where you don’t want to wash your dick in the sink because you’re scared it’ll come away dirtier.

This is one of those times.  I feel the need to cast about for something to rant about.  And there’s plenty.  That crazy fucking frog ringtone (whose ad banner is probably poised exuberantly over today’s comic) for instance, is a primary example of why Armageddon can’t come soon enough.  They censor it, but you just know his little amphibian dick is flopping about offensively...

And then I discover that, in a situation not unlike the recent Presidential election - or ordering breakfast at McDonald’s, the frog is outselling Coldplay’s new single.  That is, even when there’s fuck-all to choose from, people will still pick the George W Bush of musical entertainment, rather than a mere John Kerry.

It’s not that Coldplay are particularly bad.  I can deal with bad music.  Sometimes, if music is bad enough, it breaks through some invisible barrier and becomes interesting. It’s not actually that hard to understand why people like bad music.  It is, however, impossible to understand why people like boring music.  And Coldplay fit quite neatly into that particular hole.  You know; the one that just lies there like a starfish, assuring you that she likes it with her words, but in her eyes you can see that she's afraid - afraid that if you realise she doesn't like it, you won't like her...

And that's how to recognise a Coldplay fan.

Also, they're known for having irritating ringtones.


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