Slopes and Sam

17-05-05 by Sam

Today's strip should require no explanation.  Oh, how I would love to let it percolate through your grey matter unassisted by any kind of explanatory text, so you might twist and turn it like a Rubik's Cube until you've isolated all the colours, worked out exactly who should be offended, and why, and are now sitting back to enjoy your own self-satisfaction.  Substantial.

So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Instead of discussing today's strip, I'm going to take the time to talk about something that I've eaten a lot of lately: ice cream.

Personally, I'm a bit of a stickler for vanilla.  It's just so versatile.  You can basically throw on any kind of topping, and it works.  Delicious.  You can also eat it plain, which is fine if it's just one of those bumming around the house days.  I often add a little Milo (trans: Ovaltine) to spice it up, but then I wind up feeling guilty, because you can just taste how bad that is for you.

But the pinnacle of ice cream condiments is canned pears.  That's right.  I went there.

Unfortunately, you can't put canned pears on any other flavour of ice cream.  Something which chagrined me no end every time my mother bought home a tub of "Neopolitan" ice cream.  Three types of ice cream crammed into a single tub: strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla caught helplessly in between.

I use the descriptions "strawberry" and "chocolate" very loosely here.  The chocolate tasted like something much closer to a mouthful of dirt, and the strawberry, I'm convinced, was actually just the extracted flavour of pink.  Dad recommended mixing all three flavours into a grey paste, like a soft serve pulled from Satan's own sphincter, but that had the sour taste of bastardisation.

Invariably, the entire tub got eaten, in the hope that once it was empty, our freezer would be restocked with a tub of creamy white vanilla, and all would be right in the world once more.

Although, I feel the need to confess, I'm also quite partial to the odd scoop of banana ice cream.  But you've probably worked that out already.

Word.

-Sam

18-05-05 by Slopes

Well, I'm glad to see myself on the internet. Finally! I knew I would be famous. Now I'm going to sit on my couch and wait for the squanch/cash to fall from the sky and roll into my door like ball lightning, and... sit on the couch... next to me.

Put that on the website. I find myself funny. I'm so fuckin' funny. I deserve a purple heart.